rvancoogler:

OKAY SO

• at the beginning of the show sherlock’s hands are primly folded in his lap, he’s right at the back of the room because he’s 300% sure he’s not going to enjoy this shit and ten minutes into the set his scarf is half-untied, he’s wheezing and hanging onto his chair for dear life, he thinks john watson is simply the funniest 
• whenever john pauses to take a sip of water he discreetly winks at sherlock. and sherlock’s just sitting there going :> and flushing so hard 
• john’s in the middle of his set when he makes eye contact with sherlock and he suddenly stops. he looks up to the ceiling, blinking hard, and then he says sombrely into the microphone, “sorry about that, i completely forgot to thank the lord my saviour today for making me bisexual” 
• he makes this one really meta anatomy joke and sherlock’s the only who gets it and doubles over laughing. john smiles at his shoes, twirling the microphone chord, and says, “there’s always one”  
• then this one heckler in the front row tells john to “suck a dick” and john’s like, “ohh, i intend to,” and half the audience turns around to look at sherlock? and then john gets down on one knee so that he’s looking right into the heckler’s eyes and he gives a play-by-play to the rest of the audience- “he’s mute. oh, this is fucking lovely. the poor sod can’t even talk, he’s- oh! oh wait, oh wait, he’s about to take another dump out of his mouth- no, he’s frozen. like a popsicle. dipshit on a stick. hoo boy, natural selection’s been taking its time with this one” and sherlock is cheering along with everyone else
• after the set’s over sherlock tries to hang back and pay his compliments but the security personnel isn’t having it. sherlock draws himself to full height and says in his most imperious voice, “excuse me, i am the headliner’s boyfriend, unhand me this instant-” and john reaches exactly at that moment and grins and asks, “you’re the who’s what?” and sherlock is mortified. “um. the headliner’s…boyfriend?” and john takes him by the arm and says, “quite right,” and goes, “ta, mates,” to the confused personnel 
• they step outside. it’s chilly. john says, “sherlock, right?” and sherlock nods and stuffs his hands into his pocket and puts his coat collar up so that john can’t tell just how badly he’s blushing. and john just exhales, with this lovely, liquid smile on his face and tells him, “i’m. uh. not very eloquent off the stage (sherlock snorts, and john’s smile widens), but. i have two shows in town before i have to leave- so would you like to-” and sherlock yelps “YES” and john breaks off, chuckling, “you didn’t know how i’d end that sentence.” “i did” “what was i going to suggest?” sherlock stares hard at him for a full second before announcing, “tea” and john shakes his head, amused and terribly fond, “that was a lucky guess,” and sherlock snorts even louder 
• they exchange numbers, and john walks him to the main road so that sherlock can hail a cab. sherlock opens the door, takes a deep breath, pecks john on the cheek without saying a word and ducks into the cab, telling the driver to go go go, and john’s left standing on the pavement, punch-drunk, suddenly hit with the realisation that he’s a goner